Monday, October 13, 2014

More False Promises.. the conspiracy continues

One thing I have learned through all of my research and I have left no stone unturned.. is that if it sounds too good to be true, it is. 

This is of course true with many things in life but when Doctor's apply this tactic we know this world is in trouble.

I found a Doctor (Cosmetic Surgeon) in a big city within a few hours of me that claimed to take my particular Health Insurance. There it was in writing much to my surprise and excitement.  

I must tell you this ignited new hope in this seemingly impossible situation thus far. As I took down all of his information, I prayed that this would be my miracle.

 I also prayed asking God to keep me from getting too excited over what may be a false lead as it had many times before in different ways.

When I awoke this morning my mind immediately kicked in, reminding me I had a phone call to make to his office.

My hands shook as I dialed, there was so much riding on this phone call.

I spoke calmly having no trouble communicating my serious and life threatening dilemma to the nurse on the other end of the phone.  I was clearly a woman on a mission.
So often the tone of someone's voice tells you everything you need to know, hers was no exception this dark day.

MY Health Insurance IS accepted, for Cancer patients only.
I don't have Cancer, not yet. ALCL is a form of Cancer that can develop in women that have had breast implants. 

The longer you wait to explant, the higher the risk. I am at a sobering 13 plus years. Silicone degenerates as the years go by. I was never told of this, never warned that in time there was a alarmingly high risk of becoming a human time bomb.

As kind as Diane, the nurse was nearly saying it was indeed shameful what I am living through, there was no solace in this phone conversation.

More hopes destroyed in this seemingly impossible battle against time.

Each day I awake not knowing what lies ahead for my body. 

Today it was impossible to regulate my inner temperature. Cold sweats during the night gave way to my body feeling on fire during the day. 

Skin lesions across my chest remind me of the poison that seeks to devour me.

Fatigue so heavy it keeps me immobilized for hours, sometimes as many as 18-20.. this is something I have had a particularly hard time adjusting to. I am used to being a very energetic and active woman. I no longer recognize my body.

On the days where I have strength and stamina I push myself to get things accomplished for I never know when the intense fatigue will return.

There is a relentless ringing in my ears I have had now for nearly a year, threatening whatever sanity I cling to.

I attempt to talk and what comes out on days like today is slurred due to what I now know is called "brain Fog", this also brings confusion and memory loss.  In the back of my mind I had feared early onset Dementia! As awful as this is I now know it is reversible with the surgery.

 My hair comes out by the handful making even a common hairbrush a threat. 

The tingling in my hands and feet compete with the burning in my shoulder blades.. All of these things remind me, my body is no longer my own.

I tell you all of this NOT to complain but in the spirit of FULL disclosure. 

If you or someone you love is considering breast augmentation it is my hope that choice will be made given the facts that NO Plastic Surgeon will give!

Thursday of this week I see yet another new Doctor, a "city" Doctor they would say down here. Asheville is known as a big city in North Carolina..this Boston girl wants to go home. 

Due to the major changes in my health and income living in Boston after my husbands passing became an impossibility.

What I wouldn't give to go back to my Doctor in Brookline, Massachusetts. Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital is one of the best in the Country, how I long for the safety of that and some of the most educated and progressive Doctors within the world of modern medicine.

Make no mistake about it, money dictates many things.. health care is surely one of them. The lack therein may in the end cost me my life.

 Keeping my spirits up and my head screwed on tight is a daily challenge for me and today was not a banner day with this illness.

Faith and hope as well as the love and support of family and friends is what keeps me going. Just when I think my well of strength has run dry someone says or does something that pushes me onward.

The fight goes on.. giving up is not an option.

Love and light,


I will be posting picture's all the way through this Blog. I have no idea at this point just how scary that may become but I have never been one to shy from the truth. The graphic truth now is essential to illustrate the horrors that await me or I will have bared my soul in vain. This particular picture is fuzzy hiding my pallor somewhat what it does show is the lesions, some of them that I spoke of.

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