Thursday, October 23, 2014

I just want them out!

Coming to terms with what is happening within my body is something I find myself struggling with way down inside, someplace that is normally very private, soft place. 

I share with you from my heart because it is my belief and deep conviction that God wanted me to write about very real and important things. Death is both.

This feeling of being overtaken is one I refuse to give power to although the struggle is constant should I get in the ring with it.

My attempts to stay in the moment sometimes work, sometimes they don't. I've gotten pretty good at it these past few years.

Answers, I just want answers and dates, show me motion..Dear Doctor, just show me you are doing all you can do.

Little by little my test results are pouring in, sometime's trickling.. 

Many of the results look okay, some do not. My Bilirubin is "HI" as they report.. my RBC's in urine HI and a few other that would confuse most everyone are off ..

Urinary Tract Infection's and kidney infections have been commonplace now for many months so nothing about that worries me .. it is simply part of this Toxicity nightmare. It is a KNOWN and RECOGNIZED fact that this is highly symptomatic with Lupus and "Implant Toxicity".

My liver has never been sick so this is a matter of concern. The Doctor immediately ordered a full Liver Panel and some other tests. She has already made appointments for me with a Neurologist and a plastic Surgeon. The Rheumotoligist and an Allergist are next..  This is how it will go until she too connects the dots formally for Insurance purposes in big part.

Money matters, sad fact but so very true.

If I were wealthy or even just secure financially there would be an appointment for "En Bloc' " or Explantation surgery on my datebook... Believe it!

It is my hope that my body is able to hold on until this life saving surgery takes place.

Liver, Kidneys with possible Bladder involvement, tumor on my thyroid along with the debilitating symptoms makes for quite a lot to carry around every day now. 

Somehow I will get my arms around it.

More waiting..

God keep me strong please..

When I have more to say or more test results I shall return.

Love & Light,

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