Thursday, April 23, 2015

Abandonment and loss. Staying saved..

There are little Miracles every day if you are open in both mind and Spirit <3

This morning I sat weeping uncontrollably, slowly wrapping myself around my reality both with my health and just how physically alone I really am.

I heard a tapping outside as I sat wondering how things ever became this hopeless.. outside a tiny Nuthatch was on my actual deck perched on the top of MY chair.. my active tear production stopped as
I looked at him looking at me and for a split second It seemed we both laughed, he then flew away.

"Calm yourself "

I have been away far too long, I apologize again. I find myself questioning how much people want to hear about this Illness, this killer that is allowed to run amock inside womens bodies with full support of the FDA. Pun intended.

It's not funny, not remotely.. I apologize yet again. I can not help but become glib after all I have been through in the last 10 years at least, this Toxic Beast has taken over my entire life. In fact it threatens to take my very life from me.

As I write there are many Biotoxins as well as Mold and Fungus running free range in my body, going after my moat vital organs.

My liver,kidneys and Gallbladder are making the most noise unless you count the chaos in my brain due both to mold and Mercury, for REAL. My short term memory is nearly non existent. My normally quick mind is having a hard time grasping a sentence if it is not very brief. I have lost many "words" MANY. My balance is gone and my pain is at times quite serious.

The offenders MUST be removed or all efforts to CLEAN my body with whole and organic foods and MASSIVE Supplements to help support what can no longer function.. will have been in vain.

I will try to be here more, try to leave more information!  Do try to leave a comment.. then I will know I should continue to write <3

In love and light,


This is my Fund.. Please consider, everything helps.

Friday, March 6, 2015


Anyone in the FILM Industry .. 
Know someone that is?

Breast Implants are KILLING many Women and causing Serious issues in so many MORE, clearly not all BUT MANY heart emoticon 

I AM ONE and I know several women that wanto get their story out as well.  

I am willing to allow FILMING OF THIS (MY) STORY through *EnBloc Explantation Surgery (*Breast Implant removal with capsule)   I want the NEWS OUT THERE! rather than hidden. Let's say what the FDA won't tell you.

Possible PROFESSIONAL FILMING of surgery will be considered.. Private message me please with your email address and contact info.

PREVIOUS work and credentials will be considered heavily and must verifiable.

Surgery will BE in ATLANTA Georgia as soon as Funds become available! Approx. May or June 2015!

I have many friends that have it made through this process that are willing to stand behind me and tell their stories as well. 

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

PLEASE CONSIDER a small Donation.. Thank you and bless you. I am fundraising for Surgery, info to come soon!

 I apologize you may have to cut and paste or Look it up, I am having difficulties manuevering the site. 

My pain is a genuine 10 today, cranky..will not consider pain meds with a swollen liver!!!

Thank you for your patience and your kindness!

Sharon.. Mads Mom AKA BULLDOG!  ( inside joke for my regular reader's <3 )

Monday, February 23, 2015

That Light from within..

My heart is so open and raw right now as I wrap up a weepy few days. I am so sorry I have stayed away. 
I have never liked delivering bad news.  Working in retail I hated firing someone so much one time I hooked her up with a Primo JOB that she excelled at and made a great life for herself. 

I am a bleeding heart.. we'll leave the politics out of it ;)

I am a cut to the chase type person so that is what I will try to do.

Facts please.. I went through terminal illness with Bobby so that I could learn how to fight and MANY times advocate for him. I was a BULLDOG!

It is now time for me to do that for me. Be my own BULLDOG!

I will give you a full list of my Diagnosis from Dr. Susan Kolb of Atlanta, world renowned and from hundreds of hours of research .. the Pioneer in her field in the U.S.A. Dr Kolb is a Medical Doctor and she also is a Dr. of Holistic Medicine. I have enormous respect for her and I have FAITH in this woman. 

Okay.. Here goes

Mercury Poisoning
Intracellular Infection
Bio-Toxin Disease
Black Mold
Multiple viruses 
Auto immune Disease
Liver :ALL Compromised
Possible Malfunctioning Thyroid
Awaiting test results..

Whew.. Sorry, it's depressing and dark but it is my reality right now and I have accepted it as an opportunity from God to grow rather than seeing it as a curse.

Regretfully the surgery that will save my life is NOT covered by MEDICAID because I do not yet have Cancer..  I'm going to tell you that this Warrior  of a Doctor that stood before me teared up upon the delivery of that grim news. 

 I said it way back in my Blog.. I DO however STILL believe that THIS Dr. is going to save my life, "God love her" as my mom would say.

I believe he WILL come through for me through his earth angels and the angels that lay among him now in heaven as well as my Lord and Savior himself.

I believe, you must too.. please

My work here is to begin when I recover. I have so much to give and I have been given divine guidance in the midst of the Darkness that has tried to swallow me up. 

There are sure to be many bumps along this road and I am nothing if not in your face truthful when I am passionate about something.

I am Blessed to be able to reach out and share my story with you, please come back and always feel free to start a dialogue or leave a comment.. 

I will try hard to be here more often than I have been.  It took some time to get back here.. first out of complete stagnation with the other Doctor and then me struggling to get my arms around this as best I could, through praying, tears, disbelief and finally a degree of acceptance.

I am focused, I am positive and I am love <3 

Thank you again for sharing my journey  Be kind to yourself so you may give from a full well.

Love and Light,


Sunday, February 15, 2015

Free Falling..

How can it be that I find myself in the situation I feared most? What does life or death actually mean? 

My insurance is not going to cover my surgery, no surprise. Eight Thousand and Six Hundred DOLLARS stands between me and a long slow painful death from Bio-poisoning and possibly mold. The possible ramifications are endless.

 I have been waiting over two weeks now for my test results* .Answers, do I not deserve that? 

WE WOMEN in this wasteland of pioneering silicone lab rats.. it is up to US, WE MUST RAISE OUR VOICES!

Why is this being allowed by the FDA, READ..anywhere, it's there.

You are not crazy, toxic metals and bio-toxins that are the "dust" of silicone which is deteriorating in your body.. they are affecting many women's brains, most often "Short term memory loss" and "Brain Fog". This has been what feels like chewing at my brain, little by little I am losing pieces of my memory and what feels like my mind.

By the swift hand of God I ended up getting an appointment with Dr. Susan Kolb on the 20th of THIS month!  
Dr. Kolb is the author of the book that is my best friend right now. 
Dr. Kolb is also the Dr. I spoke of when I said "This is the Doctor that I hope to speak of when I speak to high school Kids... as the Dr. that saved my life.

I do NOT know why I have come this far so fast, God is at the wheel and so good at giving direction, he is my Compass as well as my Savior.

I will go to the appointment, another blessing. I must raise the money by Thursday of THIS week. I've been in worse spots but this one is life and death with a warning! 

Frustration, phone calls, emails, appts.... I keep moving and I keep believing. I must. 

This magical child that calls me mum needs me and she needs my direction, it is taking her far. God put us together as parent and child for some beautiful and significant reasons. 
I must find a way, or one will find me if I consistently step up to the plate. Simple beliefs perhaps but very strong ones as well.

I hope I am able to buy those years through surgery, possibly as much as 20+ years with the surgerie(s) and Chelation Therapy by Dr. Kolb to start.

 It all feels very surreal, perhaps because the Consultation is one thing.. the surgery is quite another. 

IF you are reading this and contemplating breast augmentation, I implore you don't do it..not un til you have exhausted yourself in research and your very own heart says it's the right thing to do. 

What about THIS,  Take a course, Travel Italy by backpack if need be across Europe with  few friend's.. FIND YOU, don't stop working on yourself until you embrace all of you. It is my hope that when you get THERE the very idea will feel nearly as absurd as it does for me now.  

How I wish I had been happy with what God gave me. I was quite insecure after a timultuous 11 years playing trophy believing in someone that proved to be a Fraud.

I am a mess many days, at times I feel disconnected.

I want answers and nobody is being held accountable here. I am consistently disappointed and missing "home".

 We miss Boston, as they say you can take the girl out of Boston but you can't take the Boston out of the girls.

It is my hope and my prayer to have this surgery somehow by Spring and to get strong by Summers end.  

My girl and I plan to get back to Boston in November 2015!  We can transfer our section 8 that we were thankfully granted a few months ago. I pray that will go smoothly. We have had more drama than many could imagine really.  Peace is the goal, along with ROOTS..

I always feel such trepidation when I start to make plans or have dreams again.  

After surgery I will dream once again in Technicolor! I have some rather large plans regarding GIVING BACK.

Constant trauma on top of Complex Traumatic Stress Disorder does not make it any easier to make my way through the maze. 
 Having had my health issues escalate as fast as they have has added so much stress onto my already so compromised body.

I have great expectations of Dr. Kolb, her book is brilliant and I look forward to shaking her healing hands.

Trying hard to just BE much of the time, keep everything written down and in files,stay organized, change things to adapt to my current situation but truthfully I am going through it alone and that I do NOT recommend. 

I miss the City at times like these, there is probably at least one support group available in bigger cities. I do not have a support network here and I really don't think someone could possibly understand this unless she had gone though it yourself. Dr. Kolb HAS!
One of the reasons I bought her book was because I was stunned to learn SHE was a survivor of this horror that I am living right now. 

I needed knowledge .. hard earned and someone that could comprehend what it feels like for yet another Doctor to look at you with that knowing look .. they believe you to be a hypo-chondriac and treat you as such.. YET you know every single one of the twenty or thirty some ODD symptoms that are beating my body lifeless are REAL!

I pray and I move forward as I have said.. Do the NEXT RIGHT THING.

Bless you all from a disheveled child wanting to hide in a corner... "THIS too shall pass"

WE are simply walking each other home.


love and light,


Tuesday, February 3, 2015

NEW Post coming soon..

Movement, give me a day or so to absorb it all .. 

love and light,


The Countries that have visited the Blog searching for something, it is my prayer this blog eventually if not sooner has something to SAY to those that seek knowledge and light...

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Lost in tests and research

As the days fall into a haze behind me I could at times almost believe I am losing my mind.

"Brain Fog" as it is formally called within the Medical Community KILLS. I was told some years back that a woman that had become one of my closest friends when I lived in Boston had committed suicide. No reason known. I know.

Beautiful, loving but insecure and alone Linda had her implants put in the month before mine, she chose Silicone. How my heart aches for what she must have gone through. We were sisters of the heart.

The suicide rate amongst women with breast implants is THREE TIMES higher! Fact, One reputable backer ..

If this doesn't work it is simply my error or Blogger not allowing it..Google has many articles..TOO many sad statistics

NO investment there! Always look to an intelligent UNBIASED source!   NEVER trust the FDA or The Cosmetic Surgeons that performed the original surgery, he will not do what he sees as admitting guilt by acknowledging this Killer disease.  

Trust Scientists,trust the Specialist Plastic Surgeons that perform "En Bloc Explantation" Only trust the most experienced Plastic Surgeon to properly perform this highly specific surgery where a "Biofilm" is only understood by EXPERTS..! One fraction left behind may mean the difference between life and death.

 One  thing to remember is that your LUNG is RIGHT there, on BOTH sides! SHOP WELL... THE BEST CHOICE here matters! 

Dr. Susan Kolb in Atlanta is considered the Leader in her field. She is of course EXPENSIVE!  You get what you pay for and you MUST remember you are not buying a dress!

This very REAL medical disaster MUST be addressed and FAST! 
We have a massive pile-up of women headed RIGHT where I am!!! 

Think about THAT devastating REALITY!

 I can not possibly be the only one beaten down by life to the point that I can NOT pay $5,000 to $8,600 for anything..EVEN LIFESAVING Surgery! I would truly have to rob a bank! It's absurd..

My own Doctor told me I really should save my money and have them removed because I am in for so much heavy testing. I explained that being 100% *disabled*, My entire YEARLY income is the same as the surgery. As a close friend once said.. "Numbers don't lie".

 I pray this does not turn out badly due to a refusal of Medicare and Medicaid to remove these TOXIC BOMBS that the FDA lies about openly.. OUT of my chest. 

Am I partially responsible for getting them in the first place? YES, of course I am! 
I made an UNINFORMED decision. 
The Expert that performed my surgery deceived and misled me. 

Should they have been available with ALL the knowledge the manufacturer's had???

 The FDA was put in place to PROTECT us as United States Citizens! I and so many other women have been and are STILL being deceived on this HUGE issue!

I am angry tonight as I wonder .. HOW can this end well? 
How many other women have been right where I am, how many are coming behind? I am outraged. I am sad. 

I am However NOT going to quit! I am going to get LOUD!!!


I finally at long last was tested for Heavy Metals and Mold and am awaiting those results. This Testing alone has been a long sought out triumph. If you read the blog, it's there.

There is a serious issue with my elevated Bilirubin and the pain that knocked me to my knees tonight. Pain is not my friend!

Constant Nausea, EXTREME spells of fatigue and then general sluggish mood.. cramps in my calf so bad I expect a bone will rip through any moment.
Night sweats 6 years after meno-pause that makes those look like a cake walk. A smell of ammonia, constantly diagnosed with UTI's without symptoms??? 
Most recently after a CT Scan done when my ever present "clumsiness"* caused a bump to my head the results of which was coming upon a "pool of mucous"? up between my eyes.. this is "causing the swollen red veins in my eyes and the darkened eye sockets." Hmm..     Solution:  Anti-biotics.   I'll remind you my White blood cells are very low..

 Also right in the research Data it talks about direct correlation between Sinus issues and Silicone AND two worst enemies right now.

As anyone that has been through this will testify and I wish them all well, they clearly survived a war and I applaud them. I am not even lined up for surgery and I am battle weary.

I will get through this.. I will never give up! The Explantation must happen and it will. God willing.

Thank you all for your support. PLEASE feel free to comment, ask questions etc. IF you are a possible sufferer, feel free to talk! I have NO answers, I am not an expert, Nurse, Doctor or anything close to any of these! I am however fighting the same battle.. and I'm here as energy permits.

It is my constant prayer and deepest hope that someone is helped from something here. 

I have gained so much medical knowledge about this condition because my instincts {I believe,God given} drove me on. 

It really is my hope to put what I have learned RIGHT HERE in the open for any that need it! 

Will I be the only one? 

Of course not..but I cbe ould be a voice to someone in the "wilderness".

I am grateful to be able to DO this research but I will tell you my Brain Fog, severe short term memory loss noticed by many and just my health in general is going to slow me down if not resolved.


To think.. percentages as high as 94% have been reported in women that have gone through En Bloc Explantation followed by a full years worth of detoxification and strict diet!
 I want on that love train.. 

In the meantime, I fight on.. the issues are all surfacing, this time my liver, news as it becomes available.

Love & Light to all..