I have not given up.. I'm here

I've drifted yet again.. I do that frequently in times of stress or change, in this case both.

My Dr. and I don't seem to be having any real relationship these days and I feel completely disconnected from the Medical Community once more.

I sent her an email last night, very late letting her know that my skin is burning and that the night sweats are making laundry at 3 am a normal occurrence as my little body that never perspires is drenching the sheets.

It is hard to not let this make me crazy or scared.. It has gone on long enough to have turned to Cancer and my Doctor knows this. Yet the correct tests never happen, I am instead sent to another Specialist near her, over 100 miles away.

I have expressed to her in writing and verbally many times now what a hardship this creates for me. I am disabled, I do not drive making me dependent on the only form of Transit here other than a car, a shuttle service.  The cost is prohibitive and it means spending an entire day on a bus.

This is not simply an inconvenience with my medical condition, it is an impossibility.

Still the calls from these same Specialists keep coming in.. 

Last night in my letter I let her know that I need to see a Dermatologist in my town, NOT 60 miles from here.

I also let her know I am tired of waiting for her to figure out how to have the Hair root test for Metals {Toxicity Panel} and the Alpha MSH test for mold done.  I know the name because I researched and verified by speaking to a Great RN at a Cosmetic Surgeons office! I want this identified so that I may then move forward to the surgery.  I want my LIFE BACK!

Boston Doctors will get this in line in no time, without all the unnecessary duress. MUST get home. I will.

So.. I am in nowhere land and have been since my last posting. The trick has been not letting my many, some serious symptoms/side affects..? NOT letting these things destroy my JOY and my many blessings. 

I have recently allowed myself to dream again, that's a big one!

Love you all.. I will always return. I apologize for the lapses, as things start to MOVE I will be here more often!


;) Love and Light,

Sharon

What they DON'T tell you ..

CHEMICALS FOUND IN BREAST IMPLANTS - THE COMPLETE LIST

1. Methyl Ethyl Ketone
2. Cyclohexanone
3. Isopropyl alcohol
4. Denatured Alcohol
5. Acetone
6. Urethane
7. Polyvinyl Chloride (Liquid vinyl) This ingredient was used in all medical devices made at Edwards Lab, from tubing to gel.
8. Lacquer Thinner
9. Ethyl Acetate
10. Epoxy Resin
11. Epoxy Hardener - both 10 & 11 are chemically known as glycosides Ether of Bisphenol A.
12. Amine
13. Printing Ink
14. Toluene
15. Dichloromethan (Methylene Chloride) This breaks down in the body so blood cannot carry oxygen: Metabolizes carbon monoxide poisoning. Causes CSN depression.
16. Freon
17. Silicone
18. Flux
19. Solder
20. Metal cleaning Acid
21. Lofol (Formaldehyde)
22. Talcum Powder
23. Color Pigments as Release Agents
24. Oakite (Cleaning Solvent)
25. Eastman 910 glue (Cyanoacyrylates)
26. Ethylene Oxide (ETO)
27. Carbon Black
28. Xylene
29. Hexone
30. Hexanone2
31. Thixon-OSN-2
32. Antioxidant (Rubber)
33. Acid stearic
34. Zinc Oxide
35. Naptha (Rubber Solvent)
36. Phenol
37. Benzene - Known Carcinogen!!!!! KNOWN TO CAUSE IMMUNE DISEASE!!!!!!

- See more at: http://www.shirleys-wellness-cafe.com/Women/BreastImplants.aspx#chems

A Doctors ignorance is not bliss

It has been too long since I have written, far too long.  I feel an enormous sense of responsibility to share knowledge with you my reader as well as my feelings about what is happening on this dark path. Lately there is so little to report it feels a senseless act to write anything. 

I will however backtrack..

I live in a very small town in North Carolina now having been displaced with my child from our home in Boston, it is affordable here.  

Given a choice, we would be home in Boston with better Hospitals and Medical Specialists a bus ride away. I am starting to realize where I am really does matter for this puzzle will not be unraveled here. 

To say this is sobering would be a serious understatement I'm afraid.

My desperate fight to have my implants removed is being fought in vain here.  I am tired of being looked upon by the medical community as a hypochondriac as so many women before me with Implant Toxicity have complained.

Where do you go when the Doctors shake their heads behind your back?  Is that not where you go for help when you are ill?!

What does one do when they know the truth about their own body and nobody will listen?

So far the only professional that has listened and understood is a Doctor that specializes in my exact malady.  There is a Plastic Surgeon in Ga. that has made quite a name for herself "explanting" Toxic implants and after removing all toxic tissue, detoxing the whole patient.  These patients in overwhelming numbers go on to see all or most symptoms disappear in less than a years time.

The proper tests are run, the patient is prepared and the explantation surgery is completed.

Why am I not sitting in her office? There is no insurance that covers what began as cosmetic surgery whether it has become debilitating or it seems even, life threatening.

Even the beginning stages of kidney failure as I recently suffered through is not enough.

I am at a complete loss and am so very close to giving up what seems like a losing battle.  I spent hours laying in bed last night praying and thinking about how to proceed.

I am not and never have been a quitter in fact if anything I am notoriously tenacious and a fighter for what is right. 

 I am also realistic.. I do not have the eight thousand dollars to see the Ga. Doctor and it seems this leaves me in a never ending loop of tests, many of which are intrusive and painful.

Specialist after Specialist and yet the tests I have spoken of are out of the realm of normal tests and they are not being done.  Why would seem an obvious question so I will tell you what I believe the answer to be..  The Alpha MSH Test for mold is one my Doctor has never heard of along with the Test for Metals which is done on the hair root. Ego does come into play here of this I am sure as I watch the face of the Professional facing me when I bring them up.

After a sleepless night it seems there are only a few paths left me considering I live well below the poverty level and have no access to the clear choice as mentioned above.

Strength sometimes lies in letting go, I am thinking that is where I may be. 

So few resources leave me in an extremely vulnerable position I'm afraid. To get to the city, any city from where I live is costly and impossible and it seems the Doctors are as lost there as they are here in my small town.

It makes me cringe knowing these two tests and proper interpretation are my only hope and yet the reluctance on the Doctors part to educate one's self and get them done seem to be either too threatening or daunting to every Doctor I have seen.

I am fifty three years old and a mother of five, my youngest just turned twelve years old and given the current circumstances I will not live to see her graduate high school.  

This thought breaks what is left of my bruised and battered heart. She needs me and I want to be there for her. This child and I have been through a great deal since my husband passed away, when is enough enough..?

If not for her and my love for my children and grandchild, I would have given up by now. The battle has been incredibly difficult and for the first time I feel I may lose.

My symptoms have increased tremendously since I posted last, they have taken over and I am beaten down.

I mentioned that I came to the conclusion there are only a few choices left..  The other choice is to keep looking for a Doctor that will perform these tests. Surely there must be one out there that will not dismiss me as crazy because they don't know what to do.

For now I will pray.

In love and light,

Sharon

If you are following my Blog you will notice the increased severity of the lesions across my chest and how rapidly they are spreading. I now have them across my back as well. They burn as if my skin is on fire.

Still here..

I was asked the other night by a friend Why I am not Blogging more often.. I was surprised someone, any asked or noticed.  I am probably avoiding writing because I am in this huge lull where there is simply no movement in my health care. I guess I am a bit down in the dumps.

I am pretty good at finding positives these days, it is something I want to teach my child and the way I want to live.

Today there has been pain that reminds me I am sick. I have days without pain and those are the days I fly!

So up and coming appointment with my Dr. in Asheville then on to a Rheumatologist from there. This will begin on Thursday next week, I am anxious to get underway.

I have been reading quite a bit about how to be sure the surgery is done by someone with special training in removing these things.  I have also discussed this with the Dr. way back during our first visit.

Double Total Capsulectomy it is called if like me you like to research.

I am not afraid of the surgery or the ramifications and realities of after surgery.

I am only afraid of not being able to get the surgery because of Insurance rules. 

This is what I am researching now and it is a very tricky part of this thing! 

Trying to get as strong as I can for the surgery as I watch Winter start to unfold..

Love and Light to all! 

Remember to advocate for yourself and if you are considering breast Implants, do your research outside of the FDA! 

That is my pearl for today ;)   

Off to cook dinner for my girl, fish, rice and asparagus... No cupcakes after..trying hard on the advice of a few respected friends to stay away from sugar as much as possible while this is happening!

;)  GO LIVE! <3

Strangers within the Walls..

 There are strangers within my body. My body has been telling me for a while that there was trouble afoot. Health issue after health issue and yet despite the fact that I had a few very, very good Doctors I was not in one place long enough during the decline of my health. 

In the four years since my husbands passing there was no strong bond with one Doctor is what I am trying to say.  

There was one Doctor in Indiana, small town..Indiana. This Doctor is the one that asked me to humor him and let him go ahead and test me for Lupus.

He was correct I tested Positive for Lupus. 

When I first started learning about "Implant Toxicity" one of the veins that ran through nearly every Article I read stated one thing in common. That commonality is that many people find their way here in this state of High Mold or Metals Toxicity by way of a Lupus diagnosis.

So this Doctor if I were still there would be on this quest with me right now...this connecting of the dots.

As of right now my Doctor and I here in North Carolina are seeing each other this coming week. We plan to discuss and hopefully order an Apha MSH Test and an Anyalytical Chemistry as is customary in the face of these extreme and nearly unlimited symptoms.

To have this routine carried out by a Cosmetic Surgeon would cost me an out of pocket fortune. She is my Doctor, she has the option of sending me to a Rheumatologist which she has already mentioned she would be doing.  
It is bizarre and irritating to get call after call from four other specialist's she wants me to see but not one from a Rheumatologist!  The very Doctor I should be sitting in front of by now.

I do believe my Doctor and I are on the same page finally after much discussion and if not we have agreed to let each other know. She has the knowledge and the power but this is MY body.  

I have days where I am so sick and everything hurts differently as my ears ring away.. days I wish I could go to sleep and wake up illness free or simply not wake up at all.

The Brain Fog and the memory loss along with wrists that throb, hair that stopped growing..wow how it goes on. 

I tell you this because, One day and it will come...there will be a chance for you to warn someone to really stop and do their homework. They need to sit with someone intelligent that loves them and research before that scalpel comes anywhere near their flesh. 
 Perhaps that someone will not have to sit after connecting dots many years later and see the clarity of this horror.



Feeling alone today.  

.

Frustration is the theme these days, the not knowing what is happening inside my body is driving me just a little {sic}crazy.

{This is high on my chest between my front collarbones.}

After a week of trying to reach my Doctor who shall remain nameless at this point..I spoke in Full on Candor with his nurse. I told her it was not my intention to be rude but to advocate for my own body as I have an 11 year old child depending on me to be okay.

She quieted down a bit and took an adversarial role .. My Doctor apparently called me early this morning and left me a message saying that she didn't typically call her patients back she entrusted that to her nurse except for extreme circumstance's. 

She apologized if this was an issue. She also stated that she didn't need the tests after all as my Bilirubin had been high at other times over the last few years..DUH!!!!!!  Dear God..This woman is a Doctor..

 The sores that are eating me started before those tests!! Are doctors BLIND?! I want my Brookline Ma. DOCTOR back. He was BRILLIANT and he was a PARTNER in my care...through it ALL! When my husband became ill he gave me his cell number..I used it. We discussed everything about Bilirubin, Red blood cells,White blood cells ..ON and on... I was in the company of ICU Doctor's in the best Hospitals in the world and been included in my husbands care EVERY step of the way. 

So where am I with My Dr. ? .. I was lastly told through Fort Knox that the Dr. siad she will discuss everything with me when we see each other again. Yes, we WILL discuss many things. Things like WHY do I NOT have an appointment with a Rheumatologist? Why have I NOT been tested for TOXICITY Specifically!?

1.MSH Test for Mold including Black Mold* 

2. Urinalysis for Metals.. such as Tin, Arsenic, Cadmium, alluminum, Tungsten,and many more...

WHY is this NOT being done!? It's my clock..

I'm angry!

FDA.. Look it up.. Toxic Implants, Implant Disease, Implant Toxicity... watch what happens on Google!  Anything Honest comes from the PEOPLE or sometimes Mayo Clinic or a Study at Mass General etc.. all of what you will find comes from the PEOPLE basically and for the most part.  

The DENIAL etc..FDA or Plastic Surgeons..take your pick there will be a ton of them!

The FDA always finds a way to screw us.

I can't and won't apologize for being angry, I have the right, it IS my right! Nobody should ever lay down when their rights are being violated. I'm not going with that.

Civil Rights.. 

They knew that the Silicone was toxic, they knew it would either burst,rupture,leak or disintegrate in a large number of womens bodies.

Thanks for the Protection FDA!

Pissed off

There! I admit, i feel better... Blogging will get this way and probably a lot rougher when I am approaching that surgery date..! Right after..WOW! I have been through the pain once. Cutting through chest muscle does not make for a great following month. I will pray my way through. 

My love to you all..those that return, you have my heart in your hand. I am an Empath..look it up if you are not familiar... "Go learn my Pinochio" as I say to Mads <3

Deep belly Breathing..trying 

  TO YOU: LOVE & LIGHT

Sharon~<3

I just want them out!

Coming to terms with what is happening within my body is something I find myself struggling with way down inside, someplace that is normally very private, soft place. 

I share with you from my heart because it is my belief and deep conviction that God wanted me to write about very real and important things. Death is both.

This feeling of being overtaken is one I refuse to give power to although the struggle is constant should I get in the ring with it.

My attempts to stay in the moment sometimes work, sometimes they don't. I've gotten pretty good at it these past few years.

Answers, I just want answers and dates, show me motion..Dear Doctor, just show me you are doing all you can do.

Little by little my test results are pouring in, sometime's trickling.. 

Many of the results look okay, some do not. My Bilirubin is "HI" as they report.. my RBC's in urine HI and a few other that would confuse most everyone are off ..

Urinary Tract Infection's and kidney infections have been commonplace now for many months so nothing about that worries me .. it is simply part of this Toxicity nightmare. It is a KNOWN and RECOGNIZED fact that this is highly symptomatic with Lupus and "Implant Toxicity".

My liver has never been sick so this is a matter of concern. The Doctor immediately ordered a full Liver Panel and some other tests. She has already made appointments for me with a Neurologist and a plastic Surgeon. The Rheumotoligist and an Allergist are next..  This is how it will go until she too connects the dots formally for Insurance purposes in big part.

Money matters, sad fact but so very true.

If I were wealthy or even just secure financially there would be an appointment for "En Bloc' " or Explantation surgery on my datebook... Believe it!

It is my hope that my body is able to hold on until this life saving surgery takes place.

Liver, Kidneys with possible Bladder involvement, tumor on my thyroid along with the debilitating symptoms makes for quite a lot to carry around every day now. 

Somehow I will get my arms around it.

More waiting..

God keep me strong please..

When I have more to say or more test results I shall return.

Love & Light,

Sharon

 Not so beautiful covered in mold after nearly killing two different women..